I wonder if somewhere right now, there is a young woman who is thinking of a cold night in November… seven years ago… when she went into labor earlier than expected…
And birth came so quickly there wasn’t even time to leave the apartment…
When she bundled up the tiny girl baby… so tiny and thin… but eyes wide as a startled cat…
When she probably had to call a driver to come get them, she and the small, wide-eyed baby…
Did she try to nurse the little babe at first? In those new moments… Did she even know what to do?
Did she know, as they drove to the hospital, that she would choose to leave her baby… did she even know herself the illness they both carried…?
When they arrived at the hospital, did she worry that her baby was so small and frail? And hours later, did it twist her heart to the brink of ruin when she left without her child? Never to see her again. Did she feel there was no other way?
Does she think of that night every year at this time? Does she wonder?
Does she know that it was six years before her baby girl had her first birthday party?
Or a single birthday gift?
Does she know that it was six years before anyone sang happy birthday or baked a cake for that baby girl?
Tonight does she even imagine that the tiny baby lives so far away… speaks fluent English… is just now learning to read?
How can she know that her daughter still rocks herself to sleep at night… because no one ever did?
How can she know that her baby loves purple… and hot dogs and pizza and ice cream…. how can she know the tiny baby is now a tall, lanky girl who loves puzzles and would swing until the sun went down?
Does she wonder? Does she carry a guilt so heavy it could bury her? Do her arms ache for what she gave away? Does she fear for the future?
How can she know there is One Who Sees All…. Who sees her? How can she know there is One Who would hold her heart in His hands… One Who has already covered it all?
I wish I could talk to her tonight. To help her lay her burdens down. To let her see the beautiful life she gave… to help her know the abundant life that could be hers…
… this cold night in November.